• JOIN OUR QUEST

  • AVAILABLE NOW!

    AUDIOBOOK NOW AVAILABLE on Audible.

  • NEWEST PROGRAM AND HANDBOOK


    Improve your speech for non-native English speakers. Click here to learn more.

  • Audiobook

    Audiobook Icon Audiobook now on sale! Also available on Audible.com.
  • FIRST BOOK

    “Great graduation present!”

    Inspired to extend a helping hand to ambitious women working in corporate America, a veteran executive offers honest, practical, slightly irreverent advice about navigating companies that are run and populated predominately by men.

  • SECOND BOOK:

    Buy here  

    Learn to see yourself as others do and become magnetic, magnanimous, and memorable! Savvy advice, specific examples, and tactical exercises to develop your presence—in months, not years.

  • About the Author

    Jennifer K. Crittenden earned an MBA in finance and worked for over twenty years in the US and abroad, rising from financial analyst to chief financial officer. She is the author of four books, including the award-winning Discreet Guide for Executive Women. She offers professional development programs through her company The Discreet Guide.

    Read her LinkedIn profile.

  • Links to Booksellers:

    Paperback, Kindle and Audio versions available here on Amazon.

    Paperback and ePub version available here at Powells.

    Audio version available here at audible.com.

    Paperback and Nook versions available here at Barnes & Noble.

    Paperback version available here at Alibris.

    Paperback and ePub versions available here at BookDepository.com (free shipping worldwide).

    ePub version available here on diesel-ebooks.

    ePub version available here on eBookMall.

Is Bullying the New Witch Hunt?

A colleague recently filed a complaint against her supervisor, accusing her of bullying. When the subordinate described to me the behavior of her manager that she classified as “bullying,” I was surprised. That’s not bullying, I thought. It might be insensitive, or rude, or condescending, but it’s not bullying. What are the elements that need to be in place for behavior to qualify as bullying?

A traditional definition of bullying requires that an imbalance of power exists, so that intimidation can occur, either from the classic larger boy who hassles a younger, smaller child, or from a supervisor who gets away with mistreating his employees because their livelihood is in his hands. The standard definition of bullying also requires that a pattern of behavior is established, that it is repeated and happens frequently. In my view, there is often an element of public humiliation involved, such as when the middle-school bully attacks to the great glee of his minions. And attack is frequently physical, or at least contains the threat of physical violence. Synonyms of the verb “to bully” are persecute, oppress, tyrannize, browbeat, harass, torment, intimidate, strong-arm, dominate.

In other words, bullying is a big deal. It’s vicious and frightening. It’s not just telling someone she made a mistake in not a very nice way. There are other words for that, but bullying isn’t one. Victims of bullying are cowed and scared. They feel powerless to fight back and often won’t tell someone who could help them because they fear that the bullying will get worse. This vicious circle is why bullying sometimes culminates in heartbreaking tragedies. Victims of real bullying deserve all our sympathy, but it appears that the focus on this social problem has resulted in the term being thrown around lightly.

Take for example the story of Jennifer Livingston, an overweight news anchor who received an email from a viewer, scolding her for setting a poor health example and recommending that she lose weight. The news anchor fought back, reading the email aloud on the air, and then tearfully explaining how hurtful and unhelpful it was. She accused the email writer of being a bully and that she wanted to raise awareness of bullying behavior, which “is passed down from people like the man who wrote me that email.” She thanked her supporters for “taking a stand against this bully.”

As a result of her striking back, the email writer was thrust into a media spotlight and roundly criticized for his email. He apologized and said that he didn’t intend to offend her, but—and here’s the key bit—he pointed out that he was “in no position to bully her. She’s a big media personality; I’m just a working stiff.” Indeed, when we check back on our definition of bullying, what he did, regardless of our opinion about it, was not bullying.

Yet, look how effective it was to accuse him of bullying. Wow, that really brought out the knives, didn’t it? As a “big media personality,” Jennifer knew her audience and knew how to use words that would bring people to her defense. A few people mentioned that publicizing his name and calling him out on television could be considered a version of bullying, but most people applauded her revenge. I tend to agree with one commentator on the story who mourned, “Why have we become so mean?” but is what he did bullying? No.

As a side note, Jennifer’s husband published the letter on Facebook, saying that it made him “sick to [his] stomach.” He also accused the email writer of being an attorney (he’s not; he’s a security guard), a dastardly enough accusation, in some circles. Jennifer did him one far better when she pulled out the b-word.

Using loaded words is an effective way to stimulate a mob. A quick look back in history demonstrates this point. During one particularly bizarre moment in our country’s past, being simply accused of being a witch, even if the accusation came from a child, was enough evidence to land you in some serious hot water, if not hanged until dead. During a sixteen-month period in the late 1600’s, people in the region around Salem, Massachusetts basically lost their minds. Although townsfolk had been fighting amongst themselves for years, when young girls began accusing unpopular citizens of witchcraft, everyone jumped on the bandwagon and began hanging people left and right. The first to be accused were a homeless woman, a dark-skinned slave, and a woman whom the Puritans disapproved of because she had been married twice and rarely attended church. Next, a woman who questioned the validity of the girls’ accusations was accused, and suddenly fingers were pointing everywhere. Over 140 people were arrested; one man who objected to his wife’s arrest was also arrested. Many of those who were arrested confessed and began naming accomplices. Accusers became accused. It was madness, an early example of mass hysteria. Two dogs were accused of witchcraft and shot and killed. Someof the accused died in prison, but for the rest, juries were convened and “examinations” during the infamous Salem witch trials followed. Some pregnant women were let off, and ten people escaped, but twenty people were executed, nineteen by hanging, and one guy, 81 years old, was pressed to death by large stones.Deemed unworthy of a proper burial, the bodies of the so-called witches were cut down from the hanging trees and thrown in a shallow grave. When the appropriate seeds have been sown, when societal rage has reached a tipping point, name-calling can absolutely work to eliminate an enemy.

Let’s go back to my colleague. After her complaint was filed, a few rumors flew about her manager’s “bullying.” Then—crickets. No formal investigation, no discussion, no intervention, nothing. An HR employee mentioned perhaps involving a mediator, but that didn’t happen. It was as though using the bully word completely stymied any normal reaction. The manager was told to back off, and that was it. That bothered me more than if there had been an uproar, as there was against Jennifer’s email writer. At least he got the chance to defend himself. It appears as though the quickest way to turn your boss into a pariah is to call him or her a bully.

According to The BULLY Project, 13 million kids will be bullied in the U.S. this year, making it “the most common form of violence experienced by young people in the nation.” That’s a lot of kids. Bullying is a real problem and horrifying for its victims. The stories of bullied kids, some of whom are permanently damaged or seek refuge in suicide, are heart-rending. But let’s be careful that accusations of bullying are not simply accepted as true, and that those who are accused are not automatically assumed guilty, particularly when the accusations come from grown adults.

© 2016 Jennifer K. Crittenden

Leave a comment

2 Comments

  1. Gianina Richards

     /  December 9, 2018

    I’m being bullied for nearly 3 years of my employment in a senior affordable housing as the social service coordinator by the Admin of our building. It started with her including residents in her witch hunt against the maintenance manager and now against me. She creates a mod by having residents who are weak and have to side with her because they are threatened of their housing being lost. She misuses her Authority to control people and to make them feel bad. I have now taken a month off on leave cuz it made me so sick and I’m been approved another month without pay.

    I love my job and I want to go back and was hoping that things would get better when I return. Living in a small town I ran into a resident who has shared with me that the admin called her into the office asked her if I was gossiping about her and she said no. The resident is in fear of speaking with me anymore when I returned because administrator has made things bad for her already after seeking services for me.

    I’ve had other residents approached me before I left but the same concerns about Tremont towards them from the admin very similar to mine. Worried about the effects on the residence I kept it to myself so the admin would not retaliate against them. Now she’s retaliating against me and I’m not even there. How do I stop this! I’ve invested 3 years and I’m 57 and this is wrong to be treated and talked down to and told that no one’s going to love me, accusing me of things I didn’t say, having her family members who live in the community file reports against me that are not true and making the residents feel that they need to side with her in order to keep their housing. She must be something I can do! Help I’m sick over this. He seems not deserve to be treated this way nor do I.

    Reply
    • Hi Gianina, I am very sorry to hear about your situation. This is indeed a classic bully story where someone is abusing their power. You could consider going to someone else at the organization although I’m sure you have thought of that. I don’t know what state you are in, but sometimes there are state or federal employment agencies that can intervene. Good luck to you, and I’ll keep my fingers crossed that things get better. Maybe that terrible person will decide to leave and torture someone else, or better yet, retire!

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

(optional)

(optional)

  • Do you need help with a work issue? Write me.

  • Experts About the Presence of Others

  • The Pergola, a free bi-monthly digital magazine

  • Invest in Yourself! Executive Presence

    Customized one-on-one consulting program to enhance your presence, both professionally and personally. Available from anywhere. Starts anytime. Ten 90-minute individualized sessions. Private and confidential. More info
  • Archived Issues

    Click here for the "Civility and Anger" Issue - Sep 2018.

    Click here for the "Women and Money" Issue - July 2018.

    Click here for the "Training" Issue - May 2018.

    Click here for the "Lady" Issue - Mar 2018.

    Click here for the "Year of the Woman" Issue - Jan 2018.

    Click here for the "Sexual Misconduct" Issue - Nov 2017.

    Click here for the "Empathy" Issue - Sep 2017.

    Click here for the "Uncommon Courtesy" Issue - July 2017.

    Click here for the "Humor" Issue - May 2017.

    Click here for the "Stage Fright" Issue - Mar 2017.

    Click here for the "Women's March" Issue - Jan 2017.

    Click here for the "Executive Presence" Issue - Nov 2016.

    Click here for the "New Opportunity, i.e., Looking for Work" Issue - Sep 2016.

    Click here for the "Business Travel" Issue - July 2016.

    Click here for the "Bully" Issue - May 2016.

    Click here for the "Men, Women, and Money" Issue - March 2016.

    Click here for the "Boss" Issue - January 2016.

    Click here for the November 2015 Apology Edition.

    Click here for the September 2015 Single Mother Edition.

    Click here for the July 2015 Negotiation Edition.

    Click here for the May 2015 Birthday Edition.

    Click here for the Mar 2015 First Edition.

  • Straight Talk Logo
  • Trailer for Exceptional Presence Program

  • Latest Tweets

    DiscreetGuide